I was in Meijer this morning, sitting in the waiting area at the pharmacy with my cheerful little Izzy. Waiting for the "5 minutes" to pass before my perscription was ready, I played the familiar 'I Spy' with Izzy.
I spied something red- the red button on the blood pressure machine (ok, so probably not the smartest idea to point out a big red button, because isn't it in human nature to want to press or pull anything big and red?)
As she spied the big red button and I told her, "Please don't press the button"...she looks at me, looks at the button and...PRESS!
While in general the whole incident was not a big deal- the button was not going to hurt anything or anyone. I was tempted to just let it go, I was after all, in Meijer. But I realized that this wasn't a case of doing something that was terrible, but rather it was an action of direct disobedience. I called her over and reviewed what just happened to make sure she knew what I had said (2 year olds have selective hearing sometimes!). She did. She was punished. And, in typical Izzy fashion, was immediately strained with guilt. Izzy has always been the sort of child where you can look at her with the 'mom eye' and she knew she was wrong and correct herself. She cries when she does wrong. She has a strong sense of guilt. I let her sit on that feeling for a few minutes until we returned to the car.
We discussed what she had done. That disobeying was wrong. It made mommy sad. But more importantly it made God sad, because He is the one who told us to obey. She then proceeded to say Sorry to Jesus, and choked down an apology to me. With tears streaming down her face she said she was sorry. Who knew how hard it was to apologize and repent?
I can guide Izzy into dealing with her guilt and then teach her who to apologize to and how to change her ways. Why is it then so hard to sometimes do it myself? Why is it so hard to admit when I've wronged my God or my neighbor and then say I'm sorry? Is the strain of guilt really worth the avoidance of temporary pain? Never, because of the power of forgivness and repentence heals those wounds. If only I approached the throne like a child, with child like faith. With the ability to just say I'm sorry from my heart.