It has been quite the week. Coming home from the hospital went smoothly and my wonderful mother came to stay with us for a couple days while I continued my surgical recovery and to help with Isabelle. Well, after a few days of not having me around, Izzy would have nothing to do with anyone helping her besides her mommy. Needless to say, it was quite frustrating. She wouldn't play by herself- just want to sit next to me and 'help' me. Poor girl.
Then, a day after my mom left, my child who never gets sick (seriously, she has never had an ear infection, stomach flu, nothing more than a cold!) started running a high fever. For two days it ran between 101-104 with meds. Plus, I was suffering with debilitating headaches since I had left the hospital and even the strong meds I was on wasn't touching it.
I was drained and stretched to the limit. I had hit the 'emotional' crash that almost every woman gets after giving birth, my mom was gone, my husband was insanely busy suddenly, my eldest was sick, I was only 1 week post op, and trying to remember how to care for a newborn. It was one thing after another.
I cried out one morning- "Seriously, can't I catch a break here???" Paul was home and encouraged me to just open up the Bible and ready something while I ate my breakfast. I went to Psalms and I kid you not the first passage I looked at was Psalm 80. I started reading- just to focus on something other than my woes.
Psalm 80 was written as a song to the tune of 'the covenant of the Lilies"- interesting I thought, especially with my brand new daughter sitting in the swing with the same name.
For those of you who don't know (and I would have been one of them), Psalm 80 is a cry out to God. The people knew God's ultimate power and authority and that they were the chosen people. They knew God had a great plan for them, but it seemed as though every corner brought a new challenge. The writer asked in verse 12 after sharing how God had brought his people out of Egypt and into a promised land, "Why have you broken down its walls so that all who pass by pick its grapes?"
Basically, the author is writing a song that asks God, why do you keep sending hardships our way? We know we are your children, we want to follow you, we know we have done wrong- help us!
The chorus repeated throughout the passage is what then hit me:
"Restore us, o God Almighty; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved!"
Now I'm not usually on the bandwagon of opening up random scripture and having God give you exactly what you need- but man oh man was this God speaking loud and clear (ok, maybe through a megaphone of sorts).
Here I was basically asking God, "how much more do you want me to take right now?" "Can't you give me a break?" Just like his chosen people did.
He reminded me that morning, that He is the source of restoration- physical, spiritual, emotional, relational. He would restore me to a place of healing in all of those areas. And even though things were out of balance, out of wack, and simply hard to handle, He would find joy in me- His face would shine on me, as if it was the largest hug I could receive, a comfort beyond understanding. He would save me. He was the only way to make it through. I certainly couldn't do it on my own. I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually at the edge. In some ways, rightfully so- I couldn't rely on myself to get through it. I had to allow myself to be restored by my Creator, my Abba father. With Him comes true restoration and healing even when it seems as though he has dealt us a bad hand.
Psalm 80- read it, be restored, be saved.